


things we said to each other through the years (and things we didn't)

by blasphemyincarnate



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, M/M, POV Second Person, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:28:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22415509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blasphemyincarnate/pseuds/blasphemyincarnate
Summary: A love story to last the ages, or maybe a tragedy to last two lifetimes.
Relationships: (it's mostly a geraskier fic), (mildly) - Relationship, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Kudos: 44





	things we said to each other through the years (and things we didn't)

**i.** ~~**"i could fall in love with you if you just gave me the chance."** ~~

It's just another wasted day, another failed performance, when you see the Butcher sitting in the corner of the pub. There are a million thoughts running through your mind, a million words you could say to him. You settle for something friendly, joking, likable, and everything you don't want to say. You want to drown in his eyes and profess your love on one knee. You want to run your hands through his hair and promise that your soul would go to the ends of the earth for him. 

_"I love how you just... sit in the corner and brood."_

**ii. ~~"don't touch him"~~**

The bard has been by your side barely a day and he's already wormed his way into the heart you supposedly don't have. But that's how it always is, isn't it? You meet someone like him, someone who doesn't see a monster, and you think maybe it isn't so bad. But then they leave, in the end, like they always do. They walk away, or you walk away, or they die. It happened with Renfri, and it's only a matter of time before it happens to Jaskier, to this kind bard with the excitable eyes and wondering voice.

Still, when the sick elf kicks at him, you want to break down everything holding you back and scream at her to stop it.

_"Leave him be. He's just a bard."_

**iii. ~~"please, say you love me too"~~**

If traveling with Geralt of Rivia has taught you anything, it's self-control. The man has no shame about hiding his body, and even lets _you_ bathe _him._ You wonder briefly if he is only so shameless because he doesn't care for you or your opinions - would he be more modest amongst loved ones? The thought is sobering, and even distracts you from his _very naked body_ for a moment.

For a moment, you're tempted. You are so, so tempted, just to ask if he cares about you. At all.

_"It is one night bodyguarding your very best friend in the whole wide world. How hard could it be?"_

**iv. ~~"i can't afford to get too close to you, but i think it might be too late."~~**

Jaskier travels with you. Jaskier bathes you. Jaskier laughs at the doubting villagers when you come back alive from a selkiemore hunt, and Jaskier asks you to protect him at a banquet he is going to. Jaskier believes in you.

It's all a little much, honestly, and you have never been one to be slow to love. The stories about witches not having emotions are not true, but here, with Jaskier calling himself your best friend, with his delicate fingers washing your hair, you almost wish it was. You're feeling too much, all at once, a rush of care and pure affection. It will kill you. It will kill _him_. You can't let that happen.

_"We're not friends."_

**v. ~~"are you alright? you know how i worry"~~**

It so happens that you're with the Countess de Stael but your heart's not in it, and the woman has always been anything but a fool. When Valdo Marx comes onto the scene- well. Scorned lover is a part you play well.

You find Geralt and pretend it's an accident. You're really all prepared with fresh smiles and sweeping arms, but it's all wiped away by the strangeness of his face. For a moment, you can't quite pinpoint what it is, but then- ah. Exhaustion. It's not really a look you're used to seeing on Geralt, and it breaks your heart all the same as his smiles.

_"Come on, Geralt, talk to me."_

**interlude. yennefer of vengerberg**

It's almost romantic, really, the way the witcher comes storming into your palace of skin and lust. At least, it would be, had he not been carrying the bard by the collar.

The witcher dumps his companion in the middle of the room, which is really not romantic at all, but then. Then. He says, "Chireadan."

You almost want to laugh, here, because if they came here at Chireadan's word, then they also must be listening to how dangerous he says you are, how crazed. They must be desperate, to come here. 

The witcher says _immediate attention_ and he lets you examine him closely despite the faint sheen of discomfort and he says _whatever the price_. This, you think triumphantly, is a love story for the ages.

But stories are for children, not sorceresses who bled for their position. You can have this witcher, before destiny overtakes you all.

_"Just a friend, I hope."_

**vi. ~~"thank melitele you're okay, i thought i might've lost you forever, and i don't think i could handle it if i did."~~**

You wonder, very briefly, if you will owe Yennefer of Vengerberg till the end of your days for this. Then you remember a human life is next to nothing for her, and it shouldn't be much more for you. It is nothing to be indebted for, not when you've already paid your dues in conversation and her life.

But still, the sheer joy of seeing Jaskier fly out of that house, even with the fearful expression on his face, overtakes any rational thought of yours. You thank all the gods you know of, and make a promise to never touch a djinn's bottle again. But others haven't made that promise, and the house is collapsing with Yennefer inside.

You rush back in, all the while thinking you can't let Yennefer, Yennefer who you owe your heart to, Yennefer who saved something oh so precious, die.

_"Jaskier. You're okay."  
_

**vii. ~~"i've been in love with you since i was nineteen and would love nothing more than to run away to the coast with you."~~**

Geralt seems- fine. Emotionless, not mourning. Not even guilty. But you know Geralt, you've known him since you were nineteen and fresh from the courts. He is grieving,

You offer consolation in the little ways you can. "There's nothing more you could've done." You suggest going to the coast, quoting Borch. "Life is too short. Do what pleases you."

You wonder if you'll ever take your own - well, Borch's - advice. Do what pleases you. Nothing would please you more than to run away with Geralt, to see him laugh and smile and move on from the ghosts of the people he couldn't save. But you know that will never happen. Geralt is too tied to his work, to the sword. There is no one he will leave it for - perhaps, maybe, Yennefer of Vengerberg, but even then, you doubt it.

Geralt asks if you're composing your next song. Composing does please you. But, it's not quite right. You know it will never be quite right, not until you've broken free from Geralt of Rivia's beautiful golden eyes.

_"No, I'm just. Just trying to work out what pleases me."_

**viii. ~~"i'm sorry."~~**

You're angry. So, so angry. It's been a long time since you were this angry, and you wonder if maybe it isn't anger, but hurt. It sounds better, but it's not what people expect of you. So. You're angry.

Yennefer has left, walked away, and you know she deserves to. But at the same time, you know you will never get her back, not in the way you want. That knowledge hurts more than you could've ever thought, because you didn't think you loved her that much. But you did, and she is gone, and nothing is right with the world.

You don't mean to snap when Jaskier walks up, but all of a sudden you have the thought that isn't this all his fault? Not really, and a tiny voice in the back of your mind says so, but it's so much easier to be angry at someone else than yourself. So you are. Angry. You say some words. Destroy- something, probably.

You try to fix it, you try to apologize. But you just stomp on the remains of your next greatest love.

You watch the two loves of your life walk away from you, and wonder when it all went so wrong.

_"If life could give me one more blessing, it would be to take you off my hands."_

**Author's Note:**

> gosh this is unedited and written in a rush I'm so sorry if it sounds terrible asodifj
> 
> i did miss some quotes i liked so i might extend this later. i also might add a ciri interlude, but it just doesn't fit with what i have right now. 
> 
> scream with me on [tumblr](https://insert-cleverurl.tumblr.com)!
> 
> [mrrningstrr](https://mrrningstrr.tumblr.com) for my writeblr and [blasphemyincarnate](https://blasphemyincarnate.tumblr.com) for my supernatural blog


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